One word with thousand meaning and a lotttttt of hardwork.
Dating with someone for quite long time have their own hapiness and problems. Pros and conts.
When you already comfortable with someone, you'll start to show them the real you.
Sharing almost pretty much everything, share your food, share how your day was, share how much you love something, share how much you hate something, share your problem, share your feelings, and including share your honest thought and prespective.
Prespective and thought are two things that can define you as a person, and thats play big part of life.
When it comes to a long term relationship, those two things are so important.
The ending of a relationship only have two options, either get break up or getting married. And for me, what i expected with my longterm relationship is that we can manage to work it out together. No matter what.
But somehow, a long the way i realized that we have this gap differences on how we see things.
Yes, a different presepective of life.
Back then, when we shared our dreams and future we have this same goals about life. A simple and happy life.
But as i realized, unfortunetly we have this difference on how we reach those goals.
Yes, we have the same purpose but how can we manage things and put everything together when we have this different ways?
Day goes by, and now we're on the 6th year.
A wonderful roller coaster journey this past 6 years with him.
And currently, we've come to the point where we (or more likely, i) should make decision.
Keep trying and putting effort to make things work, or giving up.
If you wondering why it's so hard to make decision while i already know that we cant be together, is that.. i still can feel i love him with all of my heart. And still hoping that good things will come. Confusing and sad at the same time
How can i be in love so deeply with someone while i have this different prespective of life with that person (which caused us to fight over small things. over and over again).
That made me think, maybe at some point our love can conquer our differences, maybe as we grow older our prespective about something will be the same, maybe our love can reduce our ego, and maybe we can have the same path of life.
But.. no one knows what will happen in the future. 6 years and i'm still wondering when it'll happend. And i'm risking my time. And i know, if we have to break up, i'll need a lot of time to recovery, and to move on.
So at the same time, i feel like i have to stop this before i fall in love even more. Because it will only hurt even more when i know that i love someone so much whose eventually cant be together.
But.. Yes a lot of "but(s)" and "what if" in my mind right now.
But, in the past 6 years. After everything we have, every fights, every dramas, every problems that we had. After every mistakes i did to him. Up until this situation came up, he still here. Not giving up. Not letting me go. With all of his power, trying to make me stay.
And yes, that's what make this situation even harder. Seeing him still putting effort for someone who already want to give up. Its hard. It only makes me love him even more.
Before i write this post i re-read my old post. And funny thing, how this blog can remind me of how madly in love i am with him. How my last 2 post told me that no matter what happend, if he still put his effort, keep his promises, and fighting for our love, i make promise to myself that i'll try my best... is this my best? :"
A big question mark on my mind right now.
Does anyone deserve anything? Do i deserve someone better? Does he deserve someone better? Do we have to do life separated ways? Can we have our dream relationship? and.. is he the one?
Oh god, i dont know what life would be without him. He is already being part of my life. How can i do life without him in it.
Actually, there's still a lottt of things i want to say but for now i just hope that Allah will always guide and lead me to the best decisions.
Just hoping for the best.
Just hoping for the best.
